i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
