i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We got so high we made milksteak
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
