please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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