Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize