i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
