And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
