After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
