He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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