so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
