I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Your cock deserves a montage
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
