Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
