jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
