dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
