dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Will exercising make me less horny?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
