even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
