He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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