My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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