it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
