Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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