What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
