Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
