you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
