just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
