Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
