She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You pole danced in your parka.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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