No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
