My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
