how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
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Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
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You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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