somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
