Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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