david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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