I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
