normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
