yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
