***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
