We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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