Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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