never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
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I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
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I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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