I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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