I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
