we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
