I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
