You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
