Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
