3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
