i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
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You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
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I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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