u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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