Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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