I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
