Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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