was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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