i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I will be naked everywhere
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
