I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
