U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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