that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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