Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
