Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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