If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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