My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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