ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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