he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
