Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
