I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
