My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
