I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
COCAINE IS GR8
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize