He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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