you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
