So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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