Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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