Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
